Month: August 2015

27
Aug
2015

Look to the Hills!

We’ve been covering some of the Psalms of Ascent in our Sunday School class. The Psalms of Ascent are Ps 120-134. Though we’re not told what this tiny subscript under each heading of these psalms means, it is generally understood that these are psalms sung as travelers made their way up to Jerusalem.

One of the commonalities is the theme of trust in the Lord. I’ve written a lot about trust and that subject has been on my mind lately. In his book, Longing for HOME: A Journey through the Psalms of Ascent, J. Stephen Yuille says, “to trust in God is to rest in who he is,” (pg 66). I believe that’s a fitting bottom line.

Our trust in Him doesn’t depend on our ability to hold on. If it did, we would fail every time. We trust imperfectly. Yet we are to continue striving for complete trust in Him. Spurgeon wrote that the sovereignty of God is the pillow on which we rest our heads. The better we comprehend His character and attributes, the more fully we can rest in who He is.

Instead of our faith and security depending on our tentative hold on our Savior, we can “rest” knowing that He holds us instead. Psalm 63:8 says, “My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.” Therefore, the reason we can rest in our security in Him, no matter what our earthly circumstances may be, is because His righteous right hand holds onto us!! That grip will never falter.

Let me close by quoting my favorite of these Psalms of Ascents. Psalm 121:

“I lift up my eyes to the hills.

From where does my help come?

My help comes from the LORD,

Who made heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot be moved;

He who keeps you will not slumber.

Behold, he who keeps Israel

Will neither slumber nor sleep.

The LORD is your keeper;

The LORD is your shade on your right hand.

The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night.

The LORD will keep you from all evil; he will keep your life.

The LORD will keep your going out and your coming in

from this time forth and forevermore.”

 

So, regarding my own heart, I cry out, “Lord, equip me with the kind of faith and belief and trust in You which will allow me to rest in Your perfect sovereignty. When my head hits the pillow at night, let me close my eyes in the peace that comes from loving You.”

Posted by Deborah Howard in Counseling, Days of My Life, End of Life Issues, Grief, Musings and Meditations, 1 comment
20
Aug
2015

Help! My Friend is Suicidal

Help! My Friend is Suicidal, by Bruce Ray

Deborah Howard

 

A friend’s recent suicide prompted my reading this book, by Withhold Not Correction’s Bruce Ray. What an excellent book he’s now written on this delicate and dangerous subject of suicide.

Sensitively written, this book delivers what it promises. “This booklet will address suicide prevention and intervention,” it says on page 7. And it does! It describes the warning signs which usually precede a suicide, as well as things to do and things not to do in our attempt to help.

This book debunks myths and misconceptions about suicide. It lists the most common reasons given for resorting to such a violent and misguided option, as well as addressing the only true reason—“There is ultimately only one reason why people commit suicide. Most of them have not lost their minds, but all of them have lost hope,” (pg 19).

It points the one who is losing hope to the only Source of true hope—Jesus Christ, and instructs us how we can possibly help when someone we love is suicidal, giving solid, concrete steps to consider. And Bruce Ray knows a thing or two about this. He has served as a police, fire and EMS chaplain for almost 25 years, and has been a pastor in Washington for 45 years. He uses some of his previous experiences to bring his points home in a realistic, factual way.

I encourage everyone to buy a copy of this book. I plan to purchase several to use as an important tool in my counseling toolbox. May God use this book as a means to save lives and renew them through the instruction it gives to those who want to help someone who sees no other way around their pain.

Posted by Deborah Howard in Book Reviews, Counseling, 0 comments
13
Aug
2015

Against All Odds

My grandmother once told me that the hardest part about getting older was losing everyone who shared a memory with her. We might all know the stories, but we weren’t there at the time, she said. She was 84 when she died. By then she’d outlived most of her friends and all of her sisters and brother.

In a week, my father will turn 84 years old. He’s outlived most of his friends, too. That’s astonishing considering that no one expected my father to live beyond 33. That’s how old he was when he was found to have two brain tumors. We were told their location was so complex the only doctor who would have any chance of successfully removing them was in St. Louis—Dr. Henry Schwartz, at Barnes Hospital. Dr. Schwartz gently told my mother that there was a high probability Daddy would not survive the surgery, and that, if he did, he might need to be institutionalized for the remainder of his life. Yet, it was a certainty that he would die without the surgery.

He survived. He did not require institutionalization. He was severely impaired, at first, and needed a lot of care, which my mother selflessly provided. But then he began to improve. No, he was never the man he was before the surgery, but he was able to return to his life and career as a band director on a limited basis.

My parents had lots of friends. I believe most of them suspected Daddy wouldn’t be with us long—that, as fragile as he was, there was no way he’d survive long-term. They felt sorry for my mom who valiantly rose to the occasion, taking care of Daddy for the next 50 years.

Ironically, most of those friends have died by now. And my mother’s health is failing. But Daddy’s doing fine. He’s healthy and happy. He’s outlived almost all of them.

The surgeries took their toll on him, mentally, though. That once bright mind began slipping. For the last twenty years, he’s drifted away from us in a slow downward spiral. He’s retained his sweetness and charm through it all, but now he’s a mere shell of who he once was.

I still see glimpses. That smile. Those beautiful, soft hands. The kindness. The Southern politeness and propriety. I still get to hold his hand and tell him what’s going on in the family—even though he may not remember who they are.

My father never felt sorry for himself. He counts himself blessed and never complains. Since he requires 24/7 supervision he lives in a nearby nursing home. The other day I took my mom for a visit. They sat together in the day room holding hands.

She asked, “Joe, do you know where you are?” “Yes, I know where I am,” he replied. “Where are you?” she asked. Daddy looked around (and doesn’t really have a clue where he is), but he beamed at her, “I’m somewhere sweet.”

That’s all that counts.

Posted by Deborah Howard in Days of My Life, Dementia, End of Life Issues, Musings and Meditations, 3 comments
06
Aug
2015

Death by Suicide

Wrapping your mind around suicide. How can one do that? It’s senseless. Selfish. Cruel. Needless. A permanent solution to a temporary problem. So many words and phrases come to mind when trying to understand the mind and motives of a friend or loved one who commits such an unbelievable act.

I’m reeling from the news that a dear friend died in such a way a couple of months ago. I’m just now hearing this, so my grief is fresh and pierces my heart with sorrow—and yes, some anger, as well.

He’s been on antidepressants for years. Lately he started drinking more and more heavily. Alcohol + antidepressants is a terrible combination and the literature clearly states that if you’re on an antidepressant, you must avoid alcohol. Too few people read the literature, though. Too few know what a dangerous combination this is.

My friend was so drunk one night that his anger and emotion tangled with his ability to think rationally, and he took his life in a moment of time when he could think of no other way out of his pain and fear. I truly don’t think he could have/would have done this when in his right mind.

When he pulled that trigger, he set into play a cascade of consequences—none of them good. His family, his friends—so many friends—were plunged into grief that has no words, only disbelief and pain too intense to describe.

Another consequence is the “if only” syndrome. If only I’d known he was so disturbed. If only he had called me, had given me the chance to talk to him. If only I’d stayed in closer touch with him. If only . . . 

In my book, Sunsets: Reflections for Life’s Final Journey, I quoted Erwin Lutzer, who wrote, “Let me encourage you to take those ‘if onlys’ and draw a circle around them. Then label the circle, ‘The providence of God.’ The Christian believes that God is greater than our ‘if onlys.’ His providential hand encompasses the whole of our lives, not just the good days, but the ‘bad’ days too. We have the word accident in our vocabulary; He does not.”

In the chapter on death, I wrote about suicide. “A moment of thoughtlessness leaves loved ones struggling with anguish, confusion, guilt, and pain. Suicide is the ultimate selfishness.” I still believe that.

I know some people suffer unbelievable pain—physical or emotional—that I cannot truly fathom. But, if you are toying with suicidal thinking, please talk to someone—anyone!! Call a pastor, trusted friend, or suicide prevention hotline (800-273-8255).

Whatever you’re dealing with can be resolved. Tomorrow things may change! A month from now the whole problem could be a thing of the past! A year from now, you may not even remember today’s dilemmas. There are always better options than suicide.

Please, choose life!

Posted by Deborah Howard in Counseling, Days of My Life, End of Life Issues, Grief, Musings and Meditations, 0 comments